you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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