Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
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I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
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I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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