So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think I won the penis lottery.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
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I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
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I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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