i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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