Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Holy sore nipples Batman
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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