hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize