I will die if light touches me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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