Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
this boner is exhausting
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so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
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A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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