be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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