I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize