My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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