Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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