I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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