Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like iHOP with fire
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize