He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
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I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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