tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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