Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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