If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize