i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
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He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
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You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He did a backflip because drugs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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