So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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