I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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