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I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
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