I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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