I think I won the penis lottery.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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