I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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