I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
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She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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