I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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