I'm so fucking centered right now
youre lurking in front of me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize