I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize