My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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