I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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