The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize