I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize