thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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