Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize