Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize