Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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