I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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