I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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