Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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