Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
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It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
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if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize