i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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