I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
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I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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