i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
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i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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