Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
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Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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