I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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