saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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