Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize