she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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