I will die if light touches me.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize